Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
