I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
