It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish you could order shots online.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
