Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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