The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
