If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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