I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
