dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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