What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
