I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
