Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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