Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
