you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
