smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
