he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
God, I missed his penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
