I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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