1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Everyone says I win the strip club
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
