How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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