apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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