Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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