You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
