What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
