a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
