I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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