I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
