what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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