yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
