so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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