We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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