Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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