guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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