here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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