the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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