Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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