All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
