Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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