that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
