My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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