i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
