her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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