Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
