Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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