I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
