I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
