I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
