I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
