So drunk its hurt
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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