i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
