I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
