I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
