when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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