i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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