If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize