it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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