That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
