Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
