Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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