we made out on top of his cat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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