I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
