New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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