last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
