I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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