That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
