I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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