I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
