Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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