Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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