the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
