Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
