You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
