If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
