Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
